Ain't No Room for a Broken Black Latina

Ain't no room for a broken Black Latina

Ain't no room for emotional pain

Ain't no room for personal struggles

Ain't no room for public acclaim

You can't be too strong

You can't make any mistakes

You can't forget where you came from

You can't neglect the role of the fates

Ain't no room for a broken Black Latina

Ain't no room for emotional pain

Ain't no room for personal struggles

But there's room for public shame

You can't let their opinions matter

You can't let yourself die

You can't please everyone

But when will the tears dry?

Ain't no room for a broken Black Latina

Ain't no room for emotional pain

Ain't no room for personal struggles

But maybe..there is room for herself, inside, again.


This poem is inspired by Day 190876345989 of this depressive and anxious mode. I woke up and was determined to go to the bank today to deposit my student loan, so I can buy the remaining two books for class and to buy a MetroCard. Thing was, my "sister" got in my way. I was annoyed and thought OK, well maybe I can eat breakfast instead. I knew there was sausage and bacon left from Easter Breakfast, the one I missed. Sadly, that was gone too. Saw the her plate in the sink too. Guess who ate it.


So I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably, because I also got a text from the person "meaning to call". Playing phone tag was stupid but I, again, was disappointed that he let me down again. But I should expect it right? The many times he left me in time of need and got away with it. Brings me to the many uncomfortable places in my memory..... My eyes are welling up with tears.... It hurts so much still.


I also realized how many people in this week alone that have lied to me. It is insane. People are not honest. I confront them and they still get to do as they please. This does not make me feel any better. It makes me want to kill myself even more. It is so unfathomable how these people can take on a cause that protects what they violated (like that cochino two timer who almost infected me with chlamydia and had the nerve to blame it on me. Mind you, I got tested before AND after the encounter AND used condoms for ALL acts. No chlamydia in my vagina, or throat. I do not do anal. .......or my ex who felt it is okay to not call me when he said he would; if I am rekindling a friendship, then you got to earn my trust back and not be uncertain. I refuse to tell him anything else about what is going on in my life, because he does not do the same. I bet he is telling the girl(s) he is sleeping or smoking with or whatever the fuck he is doing. Because allegedly his sexual hunger was insatiable, even when I would have sex with him every single week except on my period when we were together.......or the guy that I tried talking to this past January and took me out twice during Valentines Day weekend, then tells me he cannot talk to me anymore....then defriends me! then refriended me! then defriended me again! then added me AGAIN!!!!!!! Oh, but this threw me for a loop-mr.musicbusinessman. Said he liked the vibes on my page. Said he liked me. We talk after Mr. Two Dates but then by the end of the month, "O sorry that I have not picked up in a few days, I have been going though some things. We will talk soon." And then my intuition was going crazy. I had to see his profile. Sure enough he was busy with talking to someone else. Guess life was so rough right? All while you told me I can tell you anything, call anytime. Every night talking too until the abrupt stop. And of course Mr.GoodIntentions (the only who has really) .......because of all of this pain, I had no room for him in my life; no room to see him otherwise. I am upset beyond belief that my eyes hurt from the tears and my stomach hurts from when I would gasp for air when I sobbed violently.


I hate that you abusers did this to me to get what you wanted. If it makes you happy right?






I am done being the sacrificial lamb.