Thursday, March 28, 2013
Haiku By Her-Aversion
He was so eager
Did not see her head shaking
A resounding no
This is about the "date" I was to have yesterday, but canceled the morning of. I am really sorry to the man who asked me because he really was honest and eager to win my affection. But when I met him, I never saw him beyond being a peer of mine. Especially since our following correspondence was only about school related issues. The contact we had via text was sporadic too.
And then he called over three weeks ago. I do not like missing calls so I called back that next day, since he said he had left a text stating that he had something to say. It was a windy morning and I was on my way to school. He of course asked if I can go inside a building and I said this was the only free time I had......
And then.....
"Are you single?"
"Um......*seriously breathless* .......no!!!!!!!!!! Why?!"
"Look, I am just going to make it short and say I want to take you out. I like you. "
And I am just dumbfounded that he liked me from ONE encounter.
And then of course, the day in the library when he asked me in person as if on a business interview if he could take me on a date and why.
Car? Check. Job? Check. Going to college? Check. Older than me but not too much? Check. Got the same laptop as me? Check. Live within Queens? Check. Honest? Check. Loves communication? Check. Will be willing to make me laugh and smile always? Check. Funny anecdotes? (got her laughing too! FUCKING CHEA!)
Even though I said I was single and wish to stay that way, that despite what he was telling me (and that he reintroduced himself to me....that was cute, I cannot lie.....) I know nothing about him, and that I am not interested in dating.
Sigh. Even when things are not well within my body, like fighting reoccurring infections despite the rounds of antibiotics, low self esteem, depression and anxiety attacks from being date raped and sexually assaulted.....people still find a way to like me. And that is a scary yet intriguing thing.
I guess I am rare and unique. A strong being. There is always something endearing.
But I want to love myself first.
Sorry _____________. I am sure you can find someone more capable of appreciating your gesture.
Darn!
Today was my dad's birthday. I realized this when I saw the packet of Neopolitan Ice Cream that is freeze dried. You know .......the kind that astronauts eat.
And the commotion downstairs.
It is so sad now that I cannot find solace in bonding with my family. I understand that once I became a teen, I wanted to be with my friends. I always thought that my family will be there.
But it makes me feel as if I am paying again, every day, for the rational choice I made when I was 16. The choice that made my sister run and tell my parents. The choice that made my dad cry for the first time that I can remember. The choice that made me loose the guy that I first dated and showed me what the world would be like.
I do not like where I am with my family right now and even this post can be so vague and cryptic to many.
I guess it is also void of all the realization I wish to have.
Or maybe the empty spaces on this post are already filled. Because I now realized the truth about my entire family. The conservative, afraid of change, patriarchal, homophobic, misogynistic Christian household.
Even my mother is not the superwomyn that I thought of her to be.
I feel empty. And silly for forgetting my dad's birthday. 51 today too.
*whispers* Happy birthday dad....
And the commotion downstairs.
It is so sad now that I cannot find solace in bonding with my family. I understand that once I became a teen, I wanted to be with my friends. I always thought that my family will be there.
But it makes me feel as if I am paying again, every day, for the rational choice I made when I was 16. The choice that made my sister run and tell my parents. The choice that made my dad cry for the first time that I can remember. The choice that made me loose the guy that I first dated and showed me what the world would be like.
I do not like where I am with my family right now and even this post can be so vague and cryptic to many.
I guess it is also void of all the realization I wish to have.
Or maybe the empty spaces on this post are already filled. Because I now realized the truth about my entire family. The conservative, afraid of change, patriarchal, homophobic, misogynistic Christian household.
Even my mother is not the superwomyn that I thought of her to be.
I feel empty. And silly for forgetting my dad's birthday. 51 today too.
*whispers* Happy birthday dad....
Monday, March 25, 2013
Walter Rodney: Rest In Power
Pan-Africanist Walter Rodney (1942–1980) was born to a working-class family in Guyana. He earned his Ph.D. at the School of Oriental and African Studies in London in 1966. His thesis, published in 1970, as A History of the Upper Guinea Coast, 1545–1800 has remained a classic. Teaching in Tanzania and Jamaica, he gained international attention for his advocacy for the working poor. Rodney founded the Working People's Alliance. He was killed in 1980 by a car bomb while he was running for office.
Queen Latifah-U.N.I.T.Y.
"You ain' a bitch or a ho, here we go! (U.N.I.T.Y)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8cHxydDb7o
Dear Steubenville Victim, I Believe You
http://www.hulu.com/watch/470828?playlist_id=1031&asset_scope=all
TransWomyn are Womyn Too!
http://elixher.com/watch-janet-mock-discusses-trans-equality-on-melissa-harris-perry/
Check the link for videos that exemplify this point. Trans people need more representation and care.
Check the link for videos that exemplify this point. Trans people need more representation and care.
When Is Rape Ok? (HINT: NEVER)
Buy from Desi Amor Jewelry
From the About section from the Desi Amor page on Facebook: DAJ Upcoming Jewelry Company from NYC. All pieces are handmade made with elegance and love by Des.For Custom Handmade Pieces, Info and for Purchasing Email :mydesiamor@gmail.com
International Day of Rememberance
For over 400 years, more than 15 million men, women and children were the victims of the tragic transatlantic slave trade, one of the darkest chapters in human history.
The annual observance of 25 March as the International Day of Remembrance for the Victims of Slavery and the Transatlantic Slave Trade serves as an opportunity to honour and remember those who suffered and died at the hands of the brutal slavery system, and to raise awareness about the dangers of racism and prejudice today.
http://www.un.org/en/events/slaveryremembranceday/
Support All Feminists!
You are not a man to me unless you take up all struggles, including the womyn's struggle. I have seen the result of such growth in many of my comrades and even peers since they are now watching the language they use, what content they post on here and even what research they utilize to gain knowledge. I see you all. I admire your growth and openness. I send nothing but well wishes for the continued growth and sense of courage and flourishing of life in you all. Peace and blessings and all power to the people.
Haiku by Her-Green Tea
"Green Tea"
Hot, smooth, refreshing
Takes me to relaxation
An ancient secret
If you know me really well, you will know that I am a FIEND for tea. I crave it and do wish to invest in that market once I become a spiritual guide, so that I can use it as a tool to heal. I find green tea to be my favorite. I have an everyday blend, a going out blend, a special occasion blend and blends I find rather offensive to the art of tea. I really do find that green tea is my favorite because as soon as I am able to drink a cup of it, I find myself relaxing and finally being able to not think. I love to drink green tea best in my room in the solace and absense of noise and people. If I am outside drinking tea, I love to share that moment with an amazing person who has expressed such a love for tea as well.
Tea is a serious matter for me. So serious that I wrote a poem solely based on my favorite tea.
Sip. Digest. Enjoy.
Haiku by Her-Healing
“Healing”
Please do take your time
Ignore the raging outside
Answers are within
While I am now in my research phase of life, I love to do research, organize it and share what I learn on my own. I have been becoming more Afro-centric, more into spirituality but becoming more open to what life has for me. I also have been facing a LOT of personal battles. I do not wish to share the full details, only my closest friends know word for word what I am going through and why, but I am grateful for healing. I am on a healing journey. We all should partake in one, but I guess we all do not take the time to look within and see that things can and are wrong. I am trusting God and moving forward in life. I am trusting the Most High and not in capitalism, or big Pharma, or false friends to help me as I once did. Everything in my life must be pure of intent, natural ingredients and able to be integrative in integrity for all.
Cryptic yes, but I am on this journey. Just something to share.
Haikus by Her-Or(kid)
“Or(Kid)”
Petals are lilting
Fragrant, pure and elegant
Divinely gorgeous
I love orchids. Love love love them! Ever since I was young, I loved them as much as I wanted a Jeep Wrangler. (Such a contradiction hunh?) Nevertheless, I always found them to be God’s gift to us. I know there are so many other flowers out there and many other species of creation as well, but orchids remind me of the beauty, purity and fragility of life. Just like children. Children do not have to worry about name brands, they can be in mismatched clothing and Crocs and once they laugh, say and do silly things, we all are just enamored so quickly. Children are also fragile, look at the current trends in school in terms of education, bullying and low income neighborhoods in terms of nutrition, violence and other socioeconomic ills. But children are pure despite all of this. Their souls, their eyes.....pure. Like orchids, we wish to have them in that moment forever.
Orchids eventually die if they are not taken care of. And they need unscrupulous and 24/7 care. Like children.
Hence, the title.
Haikus By Her-"Intrigue"
“Intrigue”
He stood by the slide
Gaze directed to that girl
She stands and blushes
This poem is about a day where my siblings and I finally pestered my mom in taking us to the park. We all were in elementary school and this must have been when I was in the early stages of puberty (fourth grade?). I remember having fun, running across the Mary Walcott playground from the jungle gym, to the slides, the monkey bars, the swings.
Then a small group of European immigrant children-perhaps Polish, or Russian, not sure, who came onto the playground with their father. I don’t know where my mom is at this point but I remember seeing him. His gaze just hit me and I don’t know why. All I know is that time stood still and he was more than welcome to look at me. I blushed but I remembered my brother and sister. I ran to catch up to them while he stood far on the opposite side.
Eventually he tried to talk to me, asked if we could play tag. So both groups partook in this game but I think we took too much liberty in just being able to have our hands touch each others’ backs and arms in the goal of winning not only the game, as well as erratically run across the rubber asphalt in asthmatic joy, but our desire. Surely one can say a fourth grader does not know what they want, and it was all done in child’s play, but I really felt otherwise. I saw a boy, despite his culture, and what his dad did, as soon as he realized what was going on and angrily told his children to leave, looked at me as a person. Intrigued by who I was developing into, and what I like. I never really liked “white” boys, I mean I was “married” to Henry Lam in Kindergarten (to my parents’ delight and laughter every time they recount the story) and after him, I only had crushes on “my people”, Afro-Caribbean and West Indians. But this guy......we stood in that moment.....able to be part of another environment......and now forever held together by mystery in that time.
I never saw him again.
Haiku by Her- "Anger"
"Anger"
His ears were open
But all she did was spit fire
Yet he still loves her
This is a poem for my spiritual guide Dean. I just got off the phone with him telling him about what is going on in the home. How misogynist and homophobic language is used in this household. How angry I am for currently being the product of my parent's socioeconomic mistakes, depsite me knowing the true politics behind their choices. How my parents rather ask me for what is due and not how I am feeling. How I eventually created my room to be a sanctuary for me instead of being downstairs like I used to. Even being angry for how my body is taking longer thn expected to heal......
Yet I cannot find solace in what is already provided. Granted, I am still angry and upset right now, but his words are sobering me up.
I am glad that he ended the conversation with a wonderful closing statement:
[Him] "Well, I am glad that you called me today. It is always good to hear your voice."
[Me] "Even if I am angry?"
[Him] "Even if you are angry. We will talk soon. Goodnight."
Goodnight.
Haiku By Her-Empow(HER)ment
Bitch hoe slut whore cunt
Should not belong in our mouths
For womyn bring life
An actual article on my sentiments will be produced soon.
For in the tongue lies the power of life and death.
Healing and blessings to my sisters worldwide.
Should not belong in our mouths
For womyn bring life
An actual article on my sentiments will be produced soon.
For in the tongue lies the power of life and death.
Healing and blessings to my sisters worldwide.
Haiku By Her-Sister
They are different
Like the moon is from the sun
Both illuminate
This is dedicated to my "biological" sister. Even though the damage seems to be more than repairs can ever begin to fix, I am grateful for time. Time is healing me. We both are so different but.......
We still shine.
Haiku By Her-Lia[I]r
The wind blows freely
My ear caught the selfish lie
You are now caught on
I wrote this after recently catching someone in a lie, along with other times.
IT GETS ME SEETHING MAD!
If there is one thing I hate the most it is a liar. A liar to me hides their intents, get me caught up in their actions and words and one who goes behind my back to do as they please while in my face they LIE. I will not stand for it, you are caught.
Even if I lie, I will be responsible for my actions.
Be responsible y'all.
Comment: the reason why I put "I" in the middle is for two reasons- a) to go with the air imagery put forth in the poem and to show that lying is a selfish act, only cares for the Ego's satisfaction.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)