Darn!

Today was my dad's birthday. I realized this when I saw the packet of Neopolitan Ice Cream that is freeze dried. You know .......the kind that astronauts eat.


And the commotion downstairs.


It is so sad now that I cannot find solace in bonding with my family. I understand that once I became a teen, I wanted to be with my friends. I always thought that my family will be there.


But it makes me feel as if I am paying again, every day, for the rational choice I made when I was 16. The choice that made my sister run and tell my parents. The choice that made my dad cry for the first time that I can remember. The choice that made me loose the guy that I first dated and showed me what the world would be like.

I do not like where I am with my family right now and even this post can be so vague and cryptic to many.

I guess it is also void of all the realization I wish to have.

Or maybe the empty spaces on this post are already filled. Because I now realized the truth about my entire family. The conservative, afraid of change, patriarchal, homophobic, misogynistic Christian household.

Even my mother is not the superwomyn that I thought of her to be.


I feel empty. And silly for forgetting my dad's birthday. 51 today too.


*whispers* Happy birthday dad....